‘I am Not That Wife’ (Turned Out I am)

Life humbled me… once again

2 min readNov 12, 2023
Photo by Sümçiğ on Pexels

I thought I was better than ‘them’.

‘They’ are overly critical of their husbands. ‘He didn’t take out the trash.’ ‘He is messy.’ Blah blah blah…

Being a messy person myself, I was able to overlook minor inconveniences like these. Sure, I had to nag my husband every once in a while. That’s part of the game.

Seven years into my marriage, I stand corrected.

A few days ago, he picked up our fresh milk delivery from outside and placed it on the dining table, right where I sat working.

Seriously? Take a few steps and you’ll be in front of the fridge where that milk belongs.

I reminded him to put it in the fridge, which he did.

See, the issue isn’t that he doesn’t understand. He does.

The issue is… the mental load. ‘Put this here.’ ‘Put this there.’ It takes an additional corner of my mind.

The used cup belongs in the kitchen. The container needs its lid on.

Duh! It doesn’t get any simpler than that.

Am I learning this about my husband just now? Why is it that my annoyance has only surfaced recently?

Surely he hasn’t changed. Or has he?

When we got married, I learned that he was more organized than me.

Good for me!

I wouldn’t have to vent to my girlfriends about how his mess gets on my nerves.

Until it did.

Oh boy!

What changed?

Has he become indifferent to the mess? Have I become more organized?


In my bid to be a good role model for my child, I want both of us to do better.

Who knows what the reality is?

The thing is… now I don’t judge the wives who make humourous (or serious) reels about their husbands’ lack of household manners.

Sorry for judging you in the past. I was naive and idealistic.

This isn’t the first time it has happened. Whenever I judge someone, I end up doing the same thing.

But I never learn. Sigh.

I can imagine my husband rolling his eyes at what I wrote.

Despite his constant reminders, I haven’t started to put my shoes where they belong. I still leave vegetable peels on the counter. My actions bother him too.

Okay, I admit. I am not perfect.

That is what happens when two messy people marry each other. They put an additional mental load on each other’s brains.

Perhaps marriage is about exchanging bodily fluids and mental loads.

I present to you the ‘Mental Load Theory of Marriage’.

Can someone do the math on the equation, equilibrium, and graphs of this theory?

Don’t forget to give me credit.

Also, make sure to put the child-rearing mental load in my basket.

Thanks for reading!